Starry Memories;

a new life.

2007-03-19T03:25:00.000+08:00

alright. finally settled down with what i want.

firstly, i graduated from SP(oh goosh, how time flies).

Secondly, i got through Starhub Sales Exec interview and now i'm under training. Unbelievable or should i phrase it as super-duper lucky. So many interviewees(50-80++) and i got through with 2 of my friends out of the 6 of us. Pay-wise is ok, which is around $1.2k /mth. But the most important thing is i have learnt alot from this job and realised more about reality in working life. Probably staying on to the job till i get enlisted for army. Well, it's not that bad after all. At least i know enlistment is ard Sept. Hope to save at least 5k during these mths. On top of it, there are some pretty women to work with! Cheers for that. *grins*

thirdly, guitar! Been longing to learn and own one! But got to wait till pay day comes. Boo~~

forth, i've been thinking of further studying in Australia. Main reason is to get away from everything in Singapore for a couple of years. Perhaps staying there after my studies. Hard to say about future for now.

fifth, i'm getting upset whenever my parents forced me to take money from them. I don't want to depend on them already as i'm capable to earning money. It's like, i'm working and they still give me money to spend. For example, my mum gave me $200 cash yesterday, telling me to take from her if i don't have enough. And today, she wanted to buy me the SE k800i phone which i happened to tell my sis i like the phone. Argh! I'm a grown up, and want to be treated like one. Instead, i should be the one giving them the money to spend. In this sense, not totally financially supporting them but allowance.

six, i will be quitting mahjong. U people must be shock to hear this huh?! well, reason is simple. I feel very guilty when i win $ from my friends. Fact is, mahjong is a still a gd way for social communication and can really see how the person character is as well. Laughing and having a good time away should be the way, not leaving the place feeling unhappy about losing some money. However, it might be worth losing some money to know how a person is exactly.

life is really different after proceeding to having a decent job. It's not like working as a sales promoter at Carrefour, warehouse/factory and helping out at my mum's store. My past experience actually comes to a zero, as working for a established company with stringent rules and regulations is a totally new environment which is the kind i hope to work in future. In fact, i realised so much abt myself since i started in Starhub. One of it is that i've confirmed i'm a workaholic.

During sch life, our minds are overly occupied with what's going on in class and projs and entertainment which our minds are clouded. After my last exam, finally i have the time to slow my pace and think what i want. Is is getting the best results in class? Excel in basketball? Or is it getting popular and hanging around with the hottest people you know? Actually , mine is pretty straight forward. My path is to get a degree in biz/marketing and then an extra certification in ACCA. My dream is to starting off my own business which i have it since 14. There were times i tried starting off with my hobby, fish keeping, as a form of business. Results can be rather attractive but time has told me it can only be for temporary. Most lucrative form boils down to basic necessity. Food and services. New products are not easy to start off in the market. How about yours? Have you guys thought about it? =)

Here i am, laughing at what i have once said to the dearest people or myself in my life.

1) I told my parents i will be doctor or lawyer and earn alot of money to build big houses and hire servants for them. My age that time: 4-7 yrs old.

2) JC? should be able to get in one lah!
Age: 14-15
Probably if my secondary days didn't happen with so many family issues, i might have carried through with my results. Well with the fact i was top 15% of the entire cohort in sch.

3)First love shall be my last.
Age: since young. think ard 5.
I kind of believe in fairy tale, that the fact i could meet someone in my life. Perhaps this is the reason why i hesitated in so many relationships before my eyes, knowing that they could not last. Of course i have friends laughing at me, "come'on! it's just for fun and experience!". To me, it's a serious matter. I'm not looking for it, cause i believe if she's meant to be the one, then let fate bring us. I know guys who are so super desperate then literally goes around having crashes and madly declaring their feelings and get rejected countless times. Even if they get into a relationship, will they last?

anyway, kind of late now. 4:15am. Have training at 830 and got to wake up by 645am. Bye. Take care peeps. cya.

2006-09-30T01:13:00.000+08:00

sat have appointment with my ear nose throat specialist. 10am.
my nose internally has been bleeding . don't know what happened.
shouldn't have told my mum, else she won't get so worried over it.
but i hope it's just something minor, some medications can help.

will miss bballing with them again. really NONG NONG time since i balled.

2006-09-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

things are funny when you are tired. but most important, smile and get over it at the end of the story.

was reading turtle's blog and one of his posts is very true.
==
we died and re-live constantly.
"...a life is made of many lives.dead and alive multiplied by a number.."
==
i died when i met my first love.
i died when i joined a uniform and discipline unit.
i died when i got obsessed into bball with them.
i died when my good friend commited suicide and left us.
i died when i graduated from sec sch.
i died when my grandpa left me.
i died when my dad has a stroke.
i died when i cried.

i could have taken my chance for her.
i could have been the person to help my friend sort out his thoughts.
i could have spent more time with my grandpa.
i could have helped out my parents more at the store.
i could have been a good student.

-so many deaths and rebirths to make similar or repetition realisations.

i am not as strong as i thought to be.
i am not as confident which i used to be.
i am emotional.

many things we wished we could have done, words which we should not have said, times we wanted to spend on.

but did we?

2006-09-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

long post today.

sch reopened. a big hole to my pockets on books.
time table is relaxed, but the projs and stuff are killing me.

so many bday's this period! i spent almost $200-$300 in 1.5 mths? well, that's life. Friends birthdays, what to do!

Today celebrated dave and huimeing's bday at kbox. A surprise present for dave. squash racket! And huimeing received some GNC's protein from us. Hope u guys like it from us. Clarissa has this weird skin problem, but hope she recover earlier ! In case she spread around. =x

2006-09-07T01:43:00.000+08:00

Many feeling unhappy and the feeling simply sucks. especially my classmate, Tauyong.

Whether
1) rejection from the guy/gal u like
2)sch teachers pressurize u
3)no money to buy the things u want
4)family member not feeling well
5)took the blame for someone else(like me during work for the mistake warehouse has done)
6)Another pimple popped out.
7)Forgot to zip your pants and a group of girls walked past and giggled at your pants.
8)Lots of rules and regulations that restrict you from doing your things.

::: cheer up! That's not the end of the world. Things will get better and always a way out. :::

SIM's bday~!

2006-09-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

first of all, happy birthday SIM(3/9)~! Hope you like the present ya! One year older means more girlfriends, more money and closer to NS. =p

Started working on tuesday at expo, John Little Fair. Same job, luggage promoter.

Sales very bad today, and shit happens in parts and parcels of our life right? Sales bad means cannot reach target, and the boss scolds naturally. But the thing is, no customers interested to buy the bags we can't do much right. The product selling is not an necessity, unless one is going overseas, so people won't bother to look at it if they don't need it.

Pek Chek! Sales cannot meet target and boss just pressurized. Got to work with some stubborn people in John Little, especially the in charge. Can't even drink water or have a sweet in the hall, must go to the cafe to consume them. It's like, walking some distance to cafe to have a sip of water is so dumb. Best of all, I recieved an order which requires 8 sets of luggage(quite expensive) and the warehouse sent me faulty goods! The customer came down specially for the order and I couldn't give it to him. I felt so bad and lousy , as i couldn't help him much as it involves with the warehouse.

I love sales and meeting people. But this time requires long travelling and have some bad incidents so abit disheartened not to continue after this fair. So, see how things go first till this sunday. There are other better paying jobs around afterall.

2006-09-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

maybe I'm going through what norywn experienced.

perhaps it's time.

2006-09-01T05:32:00.000+08:00

ok final post of the day before i go off to bed.

http://www.99770.com/mlist/20_1.html

I'm currently addicted to reading comics online. At least u don't have to hold or flip the pages. *Clickz*

2006-09-01T04:43:00.000+08:00

*I encounter errors while trying to tag. Sorry if i can't reply at the moment.

==Error solved==
My IE cannot identify ActiveX Control tag. So I have changed to a JS tagboard.

2006-09-01T03:56:00.000+08:00

that's the problem with me. I know what's wrong. It's the feeling of helplessness when you want to forget someone that has a place in your heart.

Hmm. Maybe that's the reason why i love working. It keeps me tired and won't think about it. 4 months to graduation, and I guess I won't meet her again. Then it should be time to really clear my mind.

cheerios,

2006-09-01T03:50:00.000+08:00

Issue 1:
It's dumb to force one to like somebody in order to forget someone.

Issue 2:
Things were simple and happy when we just started off. When we got to know the game better, we became competitive and forgot a point. To be happy, in whatever times we have together.

SMILE; in whatever moments u can.

Age of Silence

2006-08-31T01:38:00.000+08:00

During the Age of Silence, people communicated more, not less. Basic survival demanded that the hands were almost never still, and so it was only during sleep (and sometimes not even then) that people were not saying something or other. No distinction was made between the gestures of language and the gestures of life.

The labor of building a house, say, or preparing a meal was no less an expression than making the sign for I love you or I feel serious. When a hand was used to shield one's face when frightened by a loud noise, something was being said, ...., and even when the hands were at rest. that too, was saying something.Naturally, there were misunderstandings. There were times when a finger might have been lifted to scratch a nose, and if casual eye contact was made with one's lover just then, the lover might accidentally take it to be a gesture, not at all dissimilar, for Now I realise I was wrong to love you. These mistakes are heartbreaking. And yet because people knew how easily they could happen, because they didn't go around with the illusion that they understood perfectly the things other people said, they were used to interrupting each other to ask if they'd understood correctly.

Sometimes, these misunderstandings are desirable..Because of he frequency of these mistakes, over time the gesture for asking forgiveness evolved into simplest form. Just to open your palm was to say: Forgive me.

...taken from a brother's blog, just to share with everyone.

First post of new skin

2006-08-31T00:36:00.000+08:00

Stars are beautiful isn't it? It's a pity we can't see much in Singapore. Just one day, I must sleep with the stars above.

Exams are over. And it's the first time i didn't study for exams. What's my self-defence reason?Simply busted over an issue for uncountable sleepless nights. But, overall should not be any problem to pass. But A's? Doubt so.

*This part is dedicated to jillian who is with me all this while when i'm down. Thank you for listening and supporting me all these times. No reason for me hold on to it anymore*

study week, NOT!

2006-08-12T05:08:00.000+08:00

study week for Sp students. but we dbit had to return to sch almost like usual. tests + proj + report.

haven't touch my studying stuff. haha. later when i wake up will be studying.

for the past week:
-bc and kh got hold of my weak point. SHHH!
-soccer+dinner with my class guys. fun. almost 7 yrs since i touched the soccer ball.
-shopping for des present. then celebrated at kbox + fireworks+ fountain slacking. lots of fun. happy bday des! please find a gf soon. and NOT KAI SENG!
(psss....actually didn't want to go for fireworks. wanted to leave early to call someone but i stayed. fireworks was nice as usual. but no regrets staying on for it)

so what's the difference between 16 yrs old me and present me? HUGE!
experienced lots more. and most important realisation.

-pointless with any form of procrastination. live and excel with it.
-winning is not the most important. it's the fun and experiences we gain. That's why i hate to compare with others. Don't understand why i used to compare with everything. studies, games, stuff.etc.
-everyone is out there for themself. So don't be a saint and think they will be grateful for ur help.
-talk less = less problems. but sometimes it is not true. problems do find to your doorstep.
-less observant to things around me. which is not very gd.

but something i haven't change a single bit.
-i still like intelligent gals who can be independant.

ciaoz to bedtime.

2006-08-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

when i fall in love, it would be forever or never.

that's why so difficult to meet.

but fate told me recently, she's approaching.

well of luck.

2006-08-02T21:52:00.000+08:00

few years i've been stuck at the bottom of the well.

been struggling to get back to the top.

this very moment. i am different.

*got struck by some stuff today*

projs. exams. tests. way to go!

2006-07-24T02:00:00.000+08:00

down my luck since my birthday!

ok...

gd things don't come together. bad stuff come in three's.
1) never say never do anything. i got shoot from this girl.
2) got slapped in the hand by a girl when giving back my change.
3) called me but i was asleep. smsed back no reply. called her back say she looking for me but she busy so will call back later. wait and wait she never go.

and all happens with the...girls. k, i give up. they win. they reign. guys just can't live without girls. But guys can find a girl easily. So it's fine.

so after my previous post, there was poly50 and some birthday celebrations. Hmm, projs,tests, exams all coming. And some kbox and shopping stuff. Got shoes and some tee's.

so afterall do i look like a charity organisation who "gives" the girl i like to my buddy who likes her? or do i need a buddy who lies and comes from my back to tell me he actually likes the girl, which seems to say " dumb ass, i like her! can't you see" when he says he will not chase her?
okok...but the moral of the story is i didn't like her and i'm justy pissed from the lies. Simple? i guess so. simple stuff but hard to resolve.

2006-07-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

hmmm.....my 19th bday.

my thank-you list....
might be too long and leave out some people....

-my parents
-elder bro, daniel and his wife
-elder sis, yan and my brother-in law soon to be, henry
-alvin aka ghost
-cong
-enoch aka monk
-darren aka duckie
-danny
-tech ching
-daniel sim
-jerome aka mao gua
-bendy
-yuqiang
-weichong
-chris hon
-jillian yue aka apple
-tauyong aka tp
-dave aka kiisiao
-huimeing aka hm
-bengchuen aka bc
-desmond aka des
-khim hong aka kh
-mingjie
-brandon
-jessica
-xueyi
-jiayi
-amy
-keljin aka kel kel
-jiayu aka fishy
-silin aka "xi-ling"
-kaixuan aka kx
-clarissa
-melissa
-geraldine
-ivy

Parents sponsored my entire Thailand trip
Siblings and spouses gave me $300.
My dearest classmates who gave me a most unexpected prezzie, cash, strawbeery chocolate and rupiah coins in an envelope.
My brothers who got me a Topman shirt and treated me to NYDC.
and...... haha....i don't know..... animal thong?condoms?zzz.....

all peeps....thanks for everything. Appreciation is what i wanna say.

2006-07-01T02:28:00.000+08:00

yawnz. Argentina don't deserve to lose. Germans so "kelong" to go onto the next round.

ok. highlighted my hair blue and the results was abit different from what i wanted, but the color is pretty nice.

nothing much to expect more now, but to get better grades and earn more pocket money. bwah. Today's practical test was a screw up, my bad. Hope at least a B.

next week onwards going to be busy. proj + tests+ poly50 + world cup finals.

Sa-Yo-Na-Ra!

Realization

2006-06-29T00:20:00.000+08:00

really a bad week for me.
stiff neck which made me missed lessons on tuesday.
then wednesday went back to sch for poly50 training, and before that i was playing bball with alvin. Today, i really got knocked out. KO~ ended up going home no energy to do anything. Haha...getting old ! 19 already. got to wake up and start planning for future.

and one more thing~!!! i have gained weight!46kg to 55kg! for the past weeks been thinking of food day and night. Haha. But those food i'm craved for were meaty and sweetening. Ice-cream, chicken chop, meat lovers, pizzas, chicken wings....etc.

during the training, whole mind was about kris whom me and shiya didn't get in contact with for a long time. Asked her come out, sms, msn and any other ways we tried contacting, it's like to no avail. Her reply is like very hard to continue, then after thinking of what to say, she doesn't respond. Friends whom can talk and joke around are no longer those group. In which it's the point i'm bring across.

Irony. Friends whom i could hardly meet up and talk to, actually have so much to catch up with. On the other hand, those that are close could barely continue with another sentence.
But thank God for giving this group of friends. Busy we might be, time to catch up is what we look forward to.

Things which you said. Can never retrieve back. Sorry won't help. Time won't heal. The wound is there forever.

2006-06-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

just few weeks and so many things happened.

were over at alvin's place for dinner and movie marathon. had jap food and watched scary movie 4, Xmen3, tokyo drift and silent hill. for supper, we had mcdonald's pepper drumlets at 4am in the morning. We woke up at 930 and headed down to PPCC for bball like our usual sat. This was one of the best sat which noone pushed any responsibilities when they conceded. How i wish we could remain what we were. No quarrels. Just laughters.
Then at night went over to my bro's house to party for World Cup. Left his place in the morning. Damn Argentina. Lousy form they played.

Life's ups and downs. No doubt about it. So this is the full story:

This guy friend asked to go after this girl who apparently seem to get along with me.
Pt 1: He pushes me to her.
Then we go out for the next few weeks.(3 of us)
Pt 2: I feel i'm there just to resolve their shyness. He constantly asked things abt me and her.
Dinner with guy friend.
Pt 3: He asked me to go after this girl for the final time. Then they were together on the same day. And was told he was considering another girl at his neighbourhood.
Next day on the train. He told me he's together with the girl already , and were just about to go out as usual and was given the piece of news from him.

-Then after this, he tells our buddies that i like the girl but they are together already. What's the message he's pulling acrossto others? But something simply he can't get this fucking message across from me. I don't like this girl and stated my stand for many times. Why go through so much hussles to tell me you actually like this girl? If he really like her, simply tell me at the first place. Why act as if you didn't like the girl and push her to me and ended up doing so many things?

-Was talking to my buddy in NS, EVEN his bunkmates knows abt the nonsense he has done before. snatching others girlfriends. backstabbing. So am i in the fault to have trusted him?
Maybe this is a obvious point which he's been isolated by all his friends for these years.
I'm fucking blind to trust him.

-Others tell me to forgive him. But I feel this is a serious matter and a point if i should still regard him as a friend or stranger.

So u are reading this post? i don't give a fuck about it. I won't deny the possibility of you reading my posts to check if i like her. Thanks for teaching me another chapter in life.

just erased all my smses in my handphone which lagged the whole phone. 2500++. haha.
like what i did, let me erase everything thus far.

i'm getting in love with jap and hongkong tv serials! so addictive. just relived GTO(Great Teacher Onizuka) and the some of the latest hk serials.

***sry shiya. couldn't make it for poly50 training. i slept on my specs the other day and it got crooked so needed to repair.

2006-06-23T01:25:00.000+08:00

world cup fever!!~~...haha...been catching the matches everyday until 5am.
all the dark eye rings and pimples coming out. ARGHH...i need lots of herbal tea~

so semester starting soon. projs tests and even more.

got myself some nice clothings from esprit , s&k and topman. wanted to get levis jeans but no money! burnt a big hole in my pockets k~!

u see. when people gets into relationships u can really see how the person is. how they behave and who they really are. wanted to forgive him but those things he said on the mj table made things worst. " i want win more money leh."? come'on, the one who's losing it's ur buddy for years! not to me. but another guy. i ****ed him verbally cause i can't stand what he said. This buddy already lost almost his whole tray of chips and he wanted more? whatever....

enough of him today. makes my blood boils. lucky my winnings from world cup made my day! just nice for my Levis jeans~

World Cup

2006-06-15T05:08:00.000+08:00

something to rejoice over. as above.

hehe. world cup. singapore pools. relate them. no present for the right guess.
once every 4 yrs event, how can don't join in? so been watching them over at my bro's place and mahjonging.

reason: whole family out to thailand except me. cause got final year proj. (We just came back 3 weeks ago from thailand and they went again.)

time is increasingly faster. days in pri and sec sch passed so slow, yet now? chinese new year was like yesterday. that's life.

as my blog title is, simplicity. i've been pursuing my world of simplicity, hoping there's lesser conflicts, small actions (xiao dong zuo), misunderstandings. But thanks to this friend of mine whom i know of several years spoilt everything. I gave you trust and honoured our friendship despite everything, u stabbed me from the back cause of a fucking gal? it's also because of you, i finally accepted life. As the famous saying; " that's life.". The saying itself is vague, as it depends on different perceptions. In my case, it's not something to be cheering over with.

she broke up with her bf? ehh...who's the she i'm talking about? :P
This "she" is the one on mind since poly started. Try to go for her? or just continue be a friend?
better to be friends i guess.

all these shit happened changed my perceptions. family and money come first. friends? just secondary. family is always there , money there's always interest.
friends? borrow your notes? need a favour? zzz....fuck off.

thailand trip

2006-05-17T10:50:00.000+08:00

Sawadekaa~~~so here i'm back from thailand!
it was a 4D3N trip with shopping and shopping and even more shopping. i never realised how much i love to shop like that. Every store like have something for me to buy like that. Chill. There are pubs too. Of course scantily dressed gals and scenes of bikini gals sitting on those angmoh legs doing something fishy. >.<"

one thing besides shopping which i like is the people. Polite. Considerate. On the road i have never heard the horning sound. And the gals there are like.... @@. Out of 10, at least 2 very pretty. Hey! I'm damn right ok...next time u go there u go their town area with lots of young people. Somemore they don't have the heck care/dao attitude which most gals in Sg has. No matter my ex collegues told me they want a foreigner gf.

Back to shopping. OMG!. Thousands overs shops. Town area like our Heeren. They have like so many of it. And so big. Shopping is a joy. So many hip & funky gals to see. Opps. FOCUS on shopping! Then it was Chatuchak market and Sunday market. They are together at the same place. This place is a shopping paradize. If u have a shopping bug, i don't think u can stop shopping here. So many nice clothes, so many food, and pets! They have these allocated areas for pets and waH! Kittens/pups which SG might not even have! Not to forget monkeys, crocs, snakes, bugs.

okok...these are some stuff i bought: 12 or more t-shirts, 7 shorts, 4 jeans. ard 5 accesories. 2 flip flops(1 had spikes) , 1 pair of shoes. Maybe got more. haha. should have bought more shirts. ^^

ehh...the gals there very pretty~~ Haha...ok that's enough. After holiday will be work and work. Serious time. TRaining and studies come first. Gym, running,bball?(maybe) and studying...

2006-04-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

geezh. long update here.

sch reopen with lots of stuff to be done. cannot slack one.
fyp haven't start but it's going well. my group got bc,huimeing and jiayu. we can do it!
my class guys so hiong, all studying for our last year like mad. i must work harder le.

kaoz. everyone around me like contracted depression or what. all seems 24hrs 7 days a week moody. *happy go lucky me*. all take care!

ehhh...i got a big fucking problem. did i use fuck? yeah i did. for the first time in my blog.
this gal thinks i like her when i treat like sister like that. OMG....help me get out of this shit.

so what!

2006-04-17T02:33:00.000+08:00

"so what" sounds attitude...but in fact, it means something else.

"so what!" if:

1) u are tall/short/fat/skinny/ugly/pretty. it's only skin deep.
2)u are poor/rich. if money's everything, can u buy time? buy for me my childhood?
3)u have good grades. when u depended on tuition and tuition on all subjects just to score A's?
4)u know alot of people. when none of them are your friends. and you fake to be mr/miss nice just to attract attention.
4)u like the person but u never dare to declare for her? so what's the usepf holding a torch for her.
5)u want to be first in everything. u are the best if u know in ur heart.

many times, we want to have this have that. like been able to dunk. like becoming a director of some listed company. but we also procrastinate on minor stuff which we can't even take it.

i've grown alot during attachment. if u can't take it, take ur stuff and leave. that's it. they can easily get someone else to do the job. The job is perfectly fine, not much to say about. Collegues are nice, took gd care of this "ah boy" and even treated me to Cartel. And the director gave me A for it! :P

been mahjong-ing with daniel,mengchuen,tanghoe and sis+sis's friends. been feeling guilty these few days cause i won alot. i don't like to win or lose money on the table. who likes to lose? everyone wants to win. but i don't like to see others sad when they lose. Gambling is bad. I've played only 20,40 cents and won like $160 over few games. And 1 session with 2 games of 30,60 cents and i won $170? So totalled up in 3 days i won like $330?. This is insane. I want to stop this. Gambling just sucks. Play loser punch at prata shop is better. At least 1 meal for four won't cost you more than $20. Mahjong and card games are just for leisure. If the stakes are so high, might as well robbed the person. Like Daniel and me played 2 person mahjong. Stakes at 10cents/game. We had so much fun yet both parties lost happily. It's just a game. Win or lose we just want to have fun.

Yeah! my buddies in NS had lots to share. Chiong sua, "tau pok", blur bunk mates, sabo kings and ghost stories! hilarious! many guys fear NS, but me?! can't wait to enter NS! i want to be the best unit! OCS please choose me! i promise to train my physique! pleaSe? bwahhaa...

Life has many more things for me to do. Just that the time has not come. Cause God thinks I'm not ready yet. Tell me what to do. Been longing to go back to church, but always cannnot wake up on time for it.

2006-03-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

besides been indulged with work, i've been going to singing sessions(kbox/kster), cartel,bball, slacking in town, mahjong, and putting effort in bring up my fishes. ya. that's about it for the past week.

looking at the stars above my head these few nights, they were just as beautiful as i have seen them in the past.
Literally i realised i have aged alot. There's quite a gap between ppl of my age with pple in secondary school. They seem so young, and many opportunities to do whatever they want. Carefree they are to be. Fall in love if they feel like it, run about in public places if they enjoy the moment. These are things which i can't do anymore.

many times, it's not that i don't want to forgive others. i can't bring myself to forgive and forget the things i got so hurt over with. next time i shouldn't give myself false hope and unrealistic expectations on others. time will show me more.

get real. this is the real world.

flowers wither as time passes. beautiful moments never last. memories are just there to stay. feelings are never the same. Just like human changes constantly. So am i.

>.<"

2006-03-21T13:05:00.000+08:00

bwAhaha....
now having break during attachment...
yesterday want to blog then the adminstrator tell me they have database problem. then now forget what u want to say le. zZz.

2006-03-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

Really long time since i last blogged.These few weeks not very happy. Everything just don't seem to be right.Parents quarrelled. I quarrelled with my dad until he couldn't replied my question. Unexpected behaviour from me. Think i'm getting from bad to worst. I'm that kind of children who listens to my parents, but as i grow up and learn how to think, sometimes their words aren't the best solutions to problems.Sorry to whoever that got scolding(s) from me. Still moody.

Abt me? Exams ended 2 weeks ago and started attachment for 2 weeks. My job covers the basic level of the company. Suppliers and customers phone enquiries,data entry, soft/hard data filing, logistics(u know what i mean), preparation of outgoing stock, checking item lists and some other minors. Basically, time passes very fast and the people there are quite friendly.

Last friday went Kbox with sandra and some others, not alot of pple but was enjoying.Was down at PS and saw the silly Jillian!and guess who else? Dawn Yeoh, Ezann,Erica Lee, Randall Tan and those Teens Models over there.Just my lucky day!And was sms-ing her abhout her attachment and one of the sms was "u free u call me to chat la". Bwahaha!happy to read that line. But i didn't call.
Then sat, went SMU open house with Yuqiang. The school is really nice environment. Besides the nice looking guys and gals around. Really comfortable place. Don't think i can get a place inside there. Just look at those JC pple and those crazy muggers in poly. How to get in?! Think the other choice is SIM.After touring SMU, went lan with those NS guys. But one thing! my bestie buddy wasn't there! He's in NS! haha...hope he's able to take it inside.

People are always selfish in whatever they do. No matter what time it is, where you go. Before friends get into relationships, always go out and do silly things. When they are in relationships, you are almost forgotton. Like asking them out, " sorry, got to spend time with my gal. Another time bah". After breaking up, they come back to you, telling you how much they invested and got hurt and stuff like that. Everything's fine with me. I'm cool with it. But the feelings between friends and me are never the same. It's the distance that we drifted. Never the same again.One thing i learn is that don't put so much expectations into friends and lovers. The more you expect, the harder you fall when it fails.

My new blog song, "Shao Nian" by Guang Liang and Cao Ge.Pay attention to the lyrics. The lyrics are exactly the feelings i'm having for you guys now, 4Se.

hey everyone!

2006-02-20T14:34:00.000+08:00

i'm back! the once bubbly and hyperactive freak!but now he's stress and tired over exams!
soo what's there to update?Xmas?CNY?Vday?
can't remember much also...went out ba....CNY angbao i think i had 400+, quite alot le and i really need to thank these relatives and friends despite the economy.
Vday?didn't go out....she wasn't free, had a test so no mood to go out with other friends also.

Jerome told me silin WAS a gd choice, but i didn't take the chance. It's like, the feeling was weird as it felt like she was just a substitute so i rather her to forget me. Which i did. And we felt if i took action, we might be together.Anyway, that was just for our purely discussion(and no feelings involved) between me and Jerome.

been studying last week outside home with daniel and tanghoe. in the end, that day ended up at my place to study, thanks to those that talked to loud at Mac that went through our headphones.

and Bravissmo ice cream! Gold Label Italian Ice cream! haha...loads of memories there at the little ice cream outlet. The people, the shop, and the nonsensical stuff we talked abt. There were also bad memories which i don't want to mention. Simply, 1 person there really turned me off. Backstabbed. Recently, was told my eye candy there broke up again. Well, sad for her thou(no feelings involved again) cause she's a nice gal ba. Just she haven't met the right person.

ok. exams due in 2 days. and my heart troubled my relationshop issues. can't study well. haha.i'm dead.

lost. confused. don't know what to do.

2006-01-16T02:25:00.000+08:00

happy new year~! and belated Xmas! haha....and early greetings for CNY!
geezh, long time since i updated huh?sooo....can't exactly remember what i did.
1)shopping with alvin and hoe , and we wanted to get jackets each.
2)bball
3) countdowns
4) MoMo-ing
5) more shopping.... >.<"
6) mahjonging... must kick this hobby but there's a big challenge to it.
7)got a new specs(red) and i'm thinking of getting my hair red as well. Not because of CNY spirit!
8)more serious with studies this sem. but still need to be more serious.

--studies--
i just can't bring myself to sit down and study even though i keep reminding myself not to play so much. *sighz* i want to reach my target this sem. So i decided to have no life and study day & nightf for the remaining sem.

--bball--
ehh mr FangMun, who ask you to stop bball for so long?! see la, now so rusty and can't even shoot properly. what shooting guard....what 3 pters.... all gone with the wind. If u wanna be what u used to be, go train ! but u don;t have the time already. Attachment coming after exams, and exams coming in 5 week's time. then yr 3 u got to prepare your FYP. so u jolly well give up bball.

--shopping--
omg omg omg~ have so many things to buy but no time can! 77th street jacket, g2000 and domanchi shirt, Pedro shoes, dcshoe shoes, ring choker, levis new engineered jeans, and new bball. God, can't u you just give a day off?

--relationship--
things aren't getting better. but i have sort it out. this is hilarious can. my whole family thinks i'm in one. keeps pestering me to bring home. if i had one, i would have brought her home for you all to see.
when i'm 16, i wanted someone who has long hair and pretty eyes. {looks}
18+ now, someone who is intelligent, independant and matured in thinking is what i'm looking for. she don't have to be equipped with heavenly looks and hourglass figure although we men love looking at beautiful women.

sooo, exactly how many gals actually melted my heart? many's been asking. answer is 2. one in secondary sch. one in poly. alot of eye candies, but as i said, for the eyes only. well, these 2 special persons are not ordinary gals. i'm sure anyone would agree with me if they meet them. not with looks, but the intelligent way when they speak.

that night with enoch and alvin at the bishan bball court, we talked abt the type of gals we would like to meet.
Enoch's one is simple, someone pleasant to the eyes, gd chars.
alvin's similar to mine, wanted someone smart, competitive and matured.
that very night, besides those above, she got to be outspoken and chatty. ehhh? but why u might ask? the reason is simply the way a gal talks will display her intelligence. And communciation is the important in a relationship. You 2 might love each other alot, but when it lacks communication, goodluck to you.

and now, i'm so happy for my SA brothers. All meeting the gals they wanted , and soon to be i have alot of "da-saos". Daniel, bendy, yuqiang, zhicong,tanghoe, garrel....all having the gals they have in mind. U guys better make sure u bring one each back to show me alright! i'm quite proud of SA guys in fact, all very nice guys and gd potential to be gd husbands. WHy? simply 3 words. "Faithful. Faithful. Faithful." . I have never seen my SA brothers flirt and fool around with other feelings. Perhaps we came from boy's sch. Mixed schools are so complicated.

*sobz sobz* test later at 5pm...maybe not going. stupid flu and fever making my body weak and bones aching. like dengue fever. popped anti biotics and flu already. yet, no sign of recovery but things getting to worst.

what's holding me back?

2005-12-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

seriously, i don't know what's holding me back to do all the things i want to do. maybe i'm tired. maybe no motivation. used to be so confident in doing everything. perhaps too much till i fell hard which cannot gain back.

john little expo fair ended. next fair would probably be metro fair at expo again.still not too sure if i wanna work anot. tired i seem to be, but working makes me pass my time faster. time's going fast, but it's slow death for me. working just make the process faster. OMg...i don't know what i'm typing. i just typed what's in my heart. don't worry, i'm fine. maybe i have depression? who knows? only God...

another thing is my grandpa fainted. minor stroke but recovering well. damn. what's going on. first my mum. now my grandpa. so who's next? me? who knows? cause i'm not feeling too well these days, because of my nose.

Did i mention nose? crap...i think that's the problem. after the operation i seem to be "physically handicapped", because i can't do physical demanding execises/jobs. Sucks right? so maybe no confidence to do things when i feel self-deprived, low esteem.

one more thing. there's this gal who quarrelled with the guy he liked , then she took her anger on me. It's alright for me. But she went around spreading fake rumours about me. Lucky, she doesn't know much of my friends. Recently, she tried borrowing money from me. U know what? She told others she deleted my no from her phone, but how the hell she got my no to ask me to lend her? ...really dots man this type of person...never step on your tail also, why come and defame me. btw, she's maggie. so peeps out there take note of this name.
bWaHaha....just kidding...not all with this name has attitude...

*things i wanna do
meet them for bball....i really miss it...
shopping spree....got money no time also -_-"
study! sounds early to prepare for exam ... :p

*plans
thinking of opening desert shop. so nice right. everyday can eat for free. ^^
no la....different concept shop. Hope noone think of this idea before i save enough money to open.

maybe go into retailing. source for products overseas then create a brand name for the shop. like 77th street

expo

2005-12-03T01:25:00.000+08:00

today worked at expo today....quite fun bah. Got to know more people. And some more business strategies.

got back my stats pract test. only scored 80. -_-"

very tired. will update when i get enough rest.

no mood to think of anything. so those who know what's going on with me, don't worry. i don't have the strength and time to think abt it.

|| break free ||

2005-11-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

long time since i updated.

last friday, my mum fainted out of the sudden during my stats practical test. Straight after the test, went home to see what the hell went wrong. She took medications then rest for the day, and was fine the next day. She went for blood test, but will only know the results this coming sat. Pray hard that she's fine.

Today had my "Writing for E-Commerce" (WEC) individual presentation. I was pretty nervous, which i usually don't really feel that lost as i've been missing some of the classes so i don't really know what's going on. Phew!~ Luckily i picked up the books and sat down to read through what's been going on. The presentation went well, and the lecturer praised me ok!~ for been coming up with some original points! oppZ.... i better don't get big-headed :x

my schedule's getting very tight for the next 2 weeks. Projs, tests. and work~! Working for the current and following week's fri,sat, sun at expo! same job, just different location. Hope the sales would be good then i can have some commission.

i went crazy few days back when i heard this news. totally out of my mind. couldn't sleep. couldn't think. just wasn't me. how could someone that's so upset who has been missing someone else find another partner so fast?.....i couldn't believe what i heard. i'm still pondering if she's really such a person.

long update~

2005-11-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

for the past few days of the week, it's been pretty tiring. sch and work.

tuesday went to work straight after sch.then was damn tired and was late for lesson on wednesday. thx goodness i managed to push myself to school.

today, went got GEM and sch ended at 10am for me!...so i went to cut my hair at kovan, jean yip. Amelia was on off today, so joanna cut for me! quite like the look, although i not sporty enough for a mohawk. new hair = at least 20% mohawk.

arghh!! friday have practical test and work! this is not all, next week has 1 presentation,1 proposal, 1 proj to pass up. crap....and the tests are coming.... like that how to go for tanning and bball training !~

want to learn driving, skating, piano, swimming~~...

did i say swimming? ya!... i can't swim because of my sensitive nose. *sob*
but after the operation le, maybe i can try to swim...

driving....think asap take the theory tests first.....then can drive around! to crazy shopping and makan outing!

swimming. i just love the feeling of been in waters. i love the sun and the sea!

times are never like before.

2005-11-19T03:04:00.000+08:00

things will never be the same. the moments will never be revived again.

sad to say. things are constantly changing. ever-changing world i believe which i never did before.

the things which we believed it, the bonds which we used to have, will never return. Cause everyone has changed.Be it influence from new friends, girlfriends or a new environment after secondary sch. It's just an excuse. Perhaps, everyone including me, has forgotton how to give. Been selfish might be the trend now. Maybe i should just join in. It's just part of growing up. Learning to accept what's gone and what's there.

...it's now or never...

previous post can simply be ignored.

can't sleep thx to U.

if u didnt matter to me, u think i care so much?

2005-11-16T03:06:00.000+08:00

for the first time i met you, i knew you were the girl of my dream.

self-reflection-part(2)

2005-11-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

sooo....this is the real part which i wanna write.

i always have this feeling to myself. I'm never good enough for her. i'm like never somewhere near her . Far away from her. Wondering what i could offer. I'm really hampered by confidence. Moments are always like these; when i have confidence, she's gone; when i have none, she's out there . Come'on FM, give urself some confidence.
--Apple told me it was very silly to think like this.U guys think so? Everyone's equal like what she said.--

'friends comes and go". This phrase quoted from one of my best friend. Seriously, i never agree to that statement. True friends stay by your side no matter what happenes. Cause i experienced that before. Maybe people who believe in that statement could never trust someone, and would never find a true friend for himself.
--friends are damn important to me. And i mean only true friends. Not those hi-bye friends in school.--

Today, i asked my dad to tag along to go with me to the bank at night and a short conversation taught me something.. I really know how great my dad is. Which i never thought to be because i used to hate him when i was in secondary sch. Not because the allowance he gives me every week. But, the scars left all over his bodies while working to support the family, the nonsense he has to put up with me and my siblings(it's really tremendous hurtful when we said those things we shouldn't have), upset when he sees we are behaving as though we never grow up, how much he understands mum more than us. So much more, like a never ending list. He's a person who keeps everything to himself, and loves us(siblings and me) which express through actions and little in words. It's the response we get from him when we gets in trouble outside. First to be there. Teaches us the right attitude to be a responsible human. He don't give u face and just scold u infront of everyone else if u are WRONG! Well, that's the part which i used to hate him for. But now, i'm feeling why he's doing so. Instead, i feel i'm growing because of that. That's right, it's "maturity". Maturity it's not something u can gain as u grow(in age). It's through experience. But i really feel i'm growing because of what he taught me through quarrels and scoldings from him.

-- i will continue another day. Elder bro's complaining. He wants the com.--

self-reflection---part(1)

2005-11-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

a blog to me, it's a place for self reflection more than writing of what happened in our daily life.
But....i will still start with what i done these few days.

Fri after sch, i worked from 1230-pm. Went home bathed+changed before heading to MC's house to play overnight mj. Was losing at first, but ending i had a winning streak so ended up with $40 winnings.
Went home then helped out at store awhile cause really alot of people. The crowd cleared then i went upstairs to rest. Woke up at night, then slacked around at home.

Then today!!~~ woke up had dim sum at fortunate restaurant with family. The whole meal cost $110 for 4 persons, but it seems pretty reasonable cause we really ate alot. Then afternoon , my sis very bored at home so asked my played mahjong(again). I don't really have the itch to play , but i see her so bored so i entertained lor. So....played 2 rounds, and lucky streak again!...$80 winnings. BUt very bad la, my sis's friend first time come den lose so much. Win his money i also paiseh. The best thing today is not the winnings!

My mum struck lottery! haha....first prize but she bought i-bet only. So win like never win like dat. But, the number was given to her from my late grandfather! and it came out! maybe it's really my grandfather's blessings? But the prize money still not bad la, but a big gap between buying the actual number.

2005-11-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

pay day!!~~ finally got my pay....

but think i looking for a new jog. Not stop working , but looking for a new job.

the amt i received was not bad bah, higher than the full-time over there cause i did two shifts sometimes.

have money now, but not going to anyhow spend la. it's really hard earned money. Really sweat,blood and blisters in return for this sum of money. haha....sounds as if it's hard labour eh? i have cuts and blisters all over my hands , and my pair of hands are damn dry now la.

maybe i should just work and work for money now. be a money grabber. be a money face. LOL.
cause in this society, it's all abt money. who cares u have the capabilites? charisma? u are a nice guy?noone cares..... it's all abt certificates.When i have more money, i can go into higher studies. right? u guys agree?

i have thought abt it. After getting diploma, i get my ACCA cert, den a deg in Biz Admin and another General Management. Abit too far now, but i think it's always better to think ahead.

2005-11-09T01:56:00.000+08:00

""....
have u waited for someone who has someone else in mind?
do u find urself losing the feel with the person whom u said "i love u" to?
have u ever get to know another gal to make her jealous?
have u ever find someone to be her substitute?
did u break off with someone to be with her?

....."

tired....but just can't get to sleep....
so wrote down some questions which happened to my friends around me....

perhaps it's the influence from my family. i believe one should go into a relationship only when he seriuosly like her and can really make her happy w/o seeing tears on her face. That's why i avoided so many relationships in the past. I cannot even handle my problems , how could i make sure she's alright with me? Keeping single might be the answer.

one weakness of mine would be putting all the faults and burdens on myself. not others. If something fails, it would be my inefficency or incapability. maybe this can be considered as a strength too?

.....got to work later....530-1030.... probably watching movie with sim after school.....else i'm so damn bored after 12pm...

2005-11-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

woke up damn tired, then decided to skip first 2 lectures .
Had writing lesson which was so boring~~....lucky the programming module woke me up!...

what's more today? had a din over the phone with the company's boss's daughter. Was asking for my pay and she kept pushing it to another day this week. They dragged few times, and i'm getting pissed. As a student, i can't probably survive 6 weeks of work w/o any pay and eat from my own pockets.

never get so tensed in poly life before when i heard tests coming. don't know why cause i just wanna do well for now. i don't want disappoint my mum and more importantly, prove to myself i still can do it. This would just be like practising few hundreds of 3 pts on the court alone to achieve the accuracy i wanted. So this time, it will be hours on my bed mugging. ** i'm not a nerd :P**

friends have been very important to me all these while. but thoughts just came to my mind and all became even more important to me. i'm afraid of losing them. every single one of them. So, i decided to send an sms to everyone that's important to me. just a simple one.

sooo.....these few weeks aren't going smoothly for me. but i believe i can hold on to everything.

i feel weary. at last.

2005-11-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

"...i'm finally feeling tired. long time since i felt this way. it's not a breakdown, but a test for my endurance and prepare myself for the road ahead.
i'm just like a clown. novice level. Juggling family, friends, work, studies, relationship. U might think it's nothing, but when time is going against u, u really can't do anything. Parents catching up with age, no time for friends and neither do they have much time too, work so that i don't need to depend solely from my parents, studies which i have been slacking for years, and relationship which i admit i'm quite bad in it. For 3 yrs 9 mths, been stuck to someone. But it's cleared finally...."

Been working over the weekends, and the job is getting slack cause they are less customers to entertain at the outlet over at PS. Still, it's tiring for me. Can u believe it? I used to be 55kg, but now? less 10kg after i started working! Someone teach me how to gain weight please?! Anyway, i'm still deciding whether i should carry on working. The pay's delay and now i definitely can't survive by supporting with my savings. Maybe i'm asking for weekly pay. If not, really need to eat bread everyday .

Meet this promoter selling skates yesterday. Very funny fellow. Always talk like some cartoon characters then make super cold jokes. Then he shared with me that his gf got laid by 7 guys when she was on drugs. Sad case, so gals out there shouldn't touch any drugs. And he taught me stuff which i never realised. Things which a 18 should be enjoying. Chilling.Clubbing...etc. Maybe i'm missing what a 18 should do. But the end of the day, he ended with " it's what u chose to be, don't blame on others abt what u have chose".

For today, been schooling for the whole day. What else can it be right? Long naggy lectures going on here and there, but i'm quite amazed for my attention span. Actually last throughout the day. But the very moment i landed om my bed, i dozed off. Even my grandma who cooked for us and left, i also didn't know! Shows how tired i am.

tired of everything. all i want is just a gd sleep.

.mood swing.

2005-11-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

didn't go sch today. neither for work.
she fainted today. brought her to doctor and didn't know what the f the doctor said. like nth much?
anyway, she took medicine and rest. Got better in the evening.
second thing. project grp for WSD module. everyone chose their grp and i'm left with 5 pple to choose? some slackers and don't feel like working with them. No choice, this sem i got to work damn hard.
work. trying out if i can work and study at the same time. really be very stress this sem. pray hard i can do well for both.

feeling damn fked up. damn. must be the proj mates issue.

another issue. sry bballers for not joining u guys out. got to work. have fun w/o me ok?..... next time i see u guys must do dunks for me to see!.....while else this 3 pter shoot all air balls le........
A lvl takers..... left with 5-7 days before the papers come...study hard and don't slack!....

crap....another thing. cheaters on the mj table. what hand signals and give chance. kaoz. at most next time don't play with them. nevermind. lucky i still win... ^^

so all this things got me into this mood swing. so u think i can deserve to mood swing? haha...

anyway, i think after i started working, initiative is what i see and learnt. If u don't learn to do things w/o others telling u, they might just sack u. Whether u are working anot, they know. They just pretend they don't know anything only. So does "initiative" applies every aspect in life. family.friends. work. and the other half.
No courage to take up the initiative to woo them also no use right? chances are here, but it all still boils down to u to make the effort.

starting tomorrow. work + studies.

ciaoz.take care.miss u all.

Sem reopen!

2005-11-01T01:49:00.000+08:00

With only 3 hrs of sleep, i pushed myself unwillingly off the bed and prepared for sch.
First day of sch, as usual, nth much to mention. But, there's something worth mentioning afterall. It's that i've been paying attention! lol, cause attention span is important in work as well in studies. Maybe something i learn from working? Lecturers wise, not so bad. At least better than year 1's Lecturers IMO.

Wanted to get down early to Suntec for Bravissmo's last day. But i was late due to the accounting lecturer going on and on when it's first day of sch which supposingly has no lectures. So by the time i reached, they have left already. -_-" ...nevermind.... at least i met them. Wanted to join them to walk around, but i promised sim,teck ching and enoch to go out le. No choice, but to sacrifice my CHANCE for my friends. One of my principle in life is not to fly your friend's kites if i have given any promise.
*Sob* I have this "evil" classmate who asked me to fly my friend's kites to go with the gals. {U see lah!, teach me wrong stuff!Later i learn wrong stuff!}
So while meeting them, don't know why on earth i feel so "pai-seh" and i think my face blush, i turned around and hit the railings! Ouch!....not so much of physical, but mentally! Haha....God's playing a prank on me....telling me there's no fate or she's not the one or whatever.

Anyway, something for celebration! Managed to clear this problem that has been pestering me for years. Mel's gone! Praise the LOrd! At least i know, i'm freed.To those who don't understand, it's fine. Just a personal matter.

Weee....Sandra lent me her Mayday's Cd but i haven't listen! tomorrow sure listen the whole Cd de!.....she recommend until so nice... :P
Then Sim and me got a Maul and Son t-shirt each. It was sold $26/pc, but 2 pc for $29. Pricing abit too unbalance right?haha...happy owners anyway....And i got a Hush Puppy Polo. Geezh, wanted to buy it 2 weeks back but haven't had the time to shop.
The next shopping list would be.....wallet, track shoes, casual shoes, jeans and some shirts. I think i'm not ending up with any of my pay left this money. :(

I've questions to ask for all. Would u wait for someone who's waiting for someone else? Praying hard one day ur chance will come? Or "love" at first sight w/o knowing how the person's like(*that person need not to be very gd looking either, it's just the feeling)?

*....yawnz...*, off to kitchen to get some noodle b4 sleeping......!

later today gonna have mj session at 11am........i better rest more!

holiday ended~~lotsa things to say...

2005-10-31T02:31:00.000+08:00

Work ended today, and not very happy about it. Not with the job itself cause i'm enjoying it( although i'm pissed with some customers at times due to over-demanding and mean requests), but it's with end of it. Can't bear to leave the place due to the people there. The joy when we chat and make merry, the sorrow when we got overloading shipments and stupid requests......maybe that's what bonding is about afterall.

And Bravissmo ice cream outlet is shutting down at suntec today. Haiz. Memorable shop with nice people. Alan, maggie,ivy....and some others. My collegues, Kris-supervisor who loves to joke around and provides strong support for her men whenever things crop up, Adriel-super workholic and "lao-jiao", Huimin- understanding and provides encouragement for me. Fellow carrefour mates like joel,jing lu, jie ren and other promoters which i don't really know their names but we always talk alot of crap ard.

Actually, i met someone there. Really has that kind of feeling.But i'm still afraid of making history repeated. Anyway, no chance anymore. No more chances of meeting already. Opportunities gone and i'm trying not to feel regretted. *grins*...maybe it's better. Can concentrate on friends,bball,family,my soon to be house and work.

Damn tired, but don't feel like sleeping. Been thinking whether i have grown up this holiday cause i feel change within me. Getting independant? Cause i don't like to ask help from others now, but to do things myself. Jerome's right. The only constant thing in this world is change. I'm believing in his theories. ^^
Like friends. All have been changing. In times in which you think u are the only one not changing but actually have changed too. Sounds contradicting when u read this? Think and read again if u don't get what i mean.

Got myself some job offers. Continue with my luggage jog, or join Carrefour as a official employee as a cashier($6/hr) or toys/luggage sales assistant($5.25/hr), toy promoters($5+hr + com) or wait to join as Bravissmo ice cream seller. Erhmm....can't make up my mind. But waiting for a call to make a decison.

~~ wednesday have bbq at my place~~ free for all~~~ sms for more info~

long time since i updated

2005-10-30T03:30:00.000+08:00

it's a long time since i updated;

been working for the whole holiday at carrefour suntec, as a luggage promoter. It's ending soon, and i really don't feel like leaving the place. Although Carrefour has lotsa stupid rules and regulations which i'm pretty disappointed with, but it's still left a footprint in my heart. Again. Why?...well , i don't know either.
maybe, the people there?....

sad news. the ice cream shop's closing. Bravissmo Italian Ice Cream. It's a nice place to hang out with whenever i have breaks. Nice chatty pple and slurpy ice cream. *Sighz* ....So where am i going to go during my breaks in future if i carry on working.....maybe i shouldn't continue .....

2 days back....had BBQ + stay over at Alvin's house.....weee....and it was Danny's bday!....got him a ice cream cake and got him in surprise! Until the very moment we celebrated Danny's bday, i realised i have neglected them for such a long time. Feeling very bad after the celebration. Time for me to spend more time with them! Definitely.
Sorry Alvin, Enoch, Cong, Hoe, Daniel, Danny,Darren,Chris and the rest of the bball gang!

---- To All A's level takers, good luck and study hard----

grown up?

2005-10-08T01:50:00.000+08:00

been busy with work, and got pretty tired from it almost everyday. Almost 10am t0 10am job everyday. But still very fun to work. got to know few cool yr 3's from SP as well, jie ren and jing lu.... nice ppl, and my chit chat buddies. Hmm.....we have a very special similarity in common!haha....u guess?

well, only a few yrs after i thought what i really know what i wanted then i know i was unsure of it. Ya, same old problem. Life.

1)jer's right. "she's" still a small gal at heart.
2)u don't always have to show u have won. Just keep it inside ur heart if u know u already won.
(too chim for those who don't understand)
3)my own bungalow!.....haha....but i only have ardx 10k now.....save until when sia?
4)not all pple clickz with u. u have to learn it. Like that fat bitch in my class....opps*
5)tell the world, friends can be forever **alvin, this is true*
6)tooo tired to type out some more.....another time...

shagged

2005-10-04T01:55:00.000+08:00

it's nearly 2am , and i'm yet to go to bed. i know. i'm not a kid anymore.don't need anyone to nag.

today's first day of work. very physically demanding cause it's the first day of the fair. running around suntec to move stocks ard, doing placement, getting the price tags done, making new levels of people...etc. too many things to mention.

although it's tiring, the job is Very fun. learnt lotsa new things. sales techniques, building confidence, psychological thinking, how other people get things done in different ways compare to your's which in fact could be a better way which u always deem u are so god damn right everytime, new friends and they are cool.

one thing! lucky i was from NCC, cause i learnt endurance from the tek-kans during those days. How tired u are, how much u wanna give up, u just got to endure all this shit. Like running 6 km under pressure from NCO's within 30 mins from sch to bishan, doing pushups on the road in the hot sun.............etc.

taking up this job also made me reminded me how difficult money could be made. One hard day of work which only earn u $50 & above, u have to put in sooo much effort. Imagine the moeny u spent away w/o thinking when ur parents gave you. Spent on comics, models/figures, online games/arcade.....can u understand how much pain ur parents take to earn those money?

complaints: very very tiring. perspire easily cause u need to run errands for customers.
Compliments: new people, knowledge which books and studies can never give u, organising ur money.

hmm...why on earth did i work?...not for money exactly. but to learn new things. Well, my parents can jolly well support me during holidays while i can slack. but, if i work, i can support myself(temp) and learn new things. I rather spend this time to learn new things which i can apply to work in new future, instead of wasting the time like most of my friends on gaming, slacking at home and not doing any contributions.
It's not always the pay, it's also learning new stuff.

the exams was....horrible. 1 paper was alright. Econs , i think i flunked.Hope and praying i can pass .

sleepless night.

2005-09-23T03:30:00.000+08:00

it's 3:30am now, and i don't feel tired nor sleepy. These days there's something wrong with my body. Malfunction. No sense of tiredness, low attention span, always hungry.....Or is there something bothering me?I don't know, so i'm here to figure what's going on...

some thoughts going thru my head:

1)studies....haven't been doing well...
2)physical fitness....really no stamina, can't last more than 3 hrs on bball court now i guess....
3)thoughts? been thinking far too much these days....
4)parents- not they having problems with them , but i find myself a big problem to them....
5)Siblings-no time for them either. neither do they have time. They have their own jobs and life now.
6)friends-especially bball clickz, sorry for not spending time with you guys lately. Cause i'm hit and down.
7)"part time business"- no time to organise the fishes for sale too.....
8)driving license-want to get it asap too...
9)job-looking for a job after exams, need to start saving some money for further studies...
10)lifestyle- this is not what i want, i want to chill out, clubbing.....etc
11)i'm dependant on others....i feel...
12)i want to go for the trial for SuperHost....^^...what kind of problem is this~~! well, been a compere was once my dream, and now it may be realised....why not give it a try?
13)nose- hope it won't give me any more problem cause there was some bleeding few weeks back after my classmate threw her soft toy at my nose.
14)losing faith in myself.----God, tell me why?
15)think i'm too nice to pple, shouldn't be nice cause people will more advantages of you. You give an inch , but they take a foot.
16)Utterly no thought of competition. Like to do better than others etc. Practically, i'm losing this spirit.
17)i've been a failure since i entered Poly. Wasted all my time.
18)am i suffering from low self esteem?haha...i think i have moderate of it...

so 18 thoughts for a 18 guy here at this moment which he should be sleeping...
well....off to study...
.cheers!

^^Don't know what title to put^^

2005-09-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

Business Accounting Paper down!....1 more to go....
the paper was ok, rather easy and if i didn't slack so much during the study week, i could have scored an A...
Anyway, praying hard to get a B+...

was reading Jerome's blog,and he was sharing that he didn't get to celebrate his bdays much.
To me, birthdays are simply just a date. So what if you get one year older but u cannot grow up mentally? like 18,21,25 years old....but your mentality is still at 16? (been independant is part of growing up, those who' can be independant, can't survive in this world when they start working)
Perhaps i didn't get to celebrate much with my family too, cause every year my parents just give me $100 or either, something in mind like handphone...etc. Instead, i love celebrating bdays.Not just the bashing part, but the smiles u see on the friend's face.
Birthdays, are perhaps the day in that year which u should reflect what you have done in a year. Have u become a better person? What are your achievements? Have u hurt someone? Have u fallen in love? Have you been filial?.....every year my bday wish is the same, just want my family and friends to have peace and free from troubles.

**** SO SO Sorry for those whom i have forgotton your birthdays, anyway....belated happy bday wish from me and u can come and find me for a prezzie****

----
i'm sort of pissed with what my friend did to this gal recently. He broke off with this gal to be with his previous gf. Wth~!....since you didn't like her, why go for her in the first place. What a basta*rd!..... really throw the face of guys , and i don't wish to tell anyone i know this guy....
Anyway, i feel that current gf shouldn't have accepted him either. He could jolly well dumped you and get back with another gal.
----
why are relationships taken so lightly?.... how could "Let's break up." be said so easily from someone's mouth when he/she declared the love for each other to be so strong in the first place?....
----

6 more days!

2005-09-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Exactly six more days from now, it's holiday!

With only 2 papers, i guess everything would be over soon.

Business Accounting & Economics, Here i come!~

Bore-Dom

2005-09-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

3 more days before my first paper, and i'm not really in the mood to study..... :P
i did some revision, but not to the extent i have the confidence to score an A. After this entry, i'm going to mug late today.

some thoughts for today...
secondary school is really different.It's not the place that matters. It's the people. It's the things we do. Although there were misunderstandings, but they would be solved instantly. No overnight grudges. People don't put on a mask. If they hate you, it's written all over their faces. If everyone's enjoying the company of each other(most of the time), you could hear the simplest laughters and see the most charming smiles. How do u define simplest laughters?....it's all from the heart, we know it....

polytechnic. A place where 90% of the people are with their masks are on. No doubt there are laughters and smiles, but they are not from the heart. Sometimes, i don't see the point in making friends with them. My first year in poly was on a high profile, making friends from everywhere in the school. Clubs, other classes, basketball courts, cafeteria....etc. Now currently 2nd year, i'm in a very low profile. Friends are very easy to make, but you don't know who and what exactly they would be.Just within one semester, i've been backstabbed at least twice.

Or perhaps, they have different backgrounds. Much more complicated backgrounds which made them so hard to understand. Or all these God wants to show me how's the world is like.

Should i just be myself, or act blur as if i'm so ignorant of everything, or go around bs-ing people? I really don't know....like the chinese saying " jian guo gui hai bu bai ye hen".....

Demanding. Another serious problem with us. We always expect more from others and hardly give. It's like asking someone to contribute some stuff in projects , but he responds with " why can't you do it? why me?". A little more appreciation is needed for us. A simple phrase such as "thank you" and less procrastinations will definitely make the place a better the place. On the other hand, i believe that it doesn't matter how much people gives, but how much u give and would that make everyone happy? IF so, why not give more and be happier?Another issue with demand(s). Not with people but especially with girls. They only know how to take and never give. Examples like asking guys to do stuff, and expect them to do them as if these extra jobs are given to them since we guys are born.

hey.....u see..... i'm procrastinating again...damn.... that's all for today folks!

A Simple yet forgotton story.

2005-09-12T20:41:00.000+08:00

There's always three brothers who have been constantly paying visits to us. However, they do not appear together all the times, instead, they always come to find us one after one. The eldest brother is called "Lost", followed by "Regrets" and then the youngest of them all, "Cherish".

First we would lose someone, then we will have regrets.At the end of it, we learn to cherish.

These three brothers always visit us, yet we never learn our lesson.

**i came up with this story, hope u enjoy and would be able to "re-learn" how to cherish others, and not neglecting anyone**

bad day.

2005-09-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

things went very badly today.
woke up feeling aching all over, scared myself when sandra told me flash need to put video in it and i thought i didn't do it and the due date is tomorrow, quarrelled with parents.....and some minor ones...
it's been a long time since there's a misunderstanding between me and my parents. really sad abt it.
story's too long for me to mention, so i just leave it here...

supposed to meet keljin at orchard today. As i was abt to leave, my parents came in to scold me for some reason and i didn't go. No mood. And i didn't want to show my ugly face and bad mood. Sry keljin!...

great.so many problems today.

after the scolding, lots of things went through my mind. Am i really that lousy? am i really in the fault of everything?

my temper-sometimes, i really wish i didn't hurled those words at you. i really didn't mean it. it's all out of emotions. Many experiements and experiences have shown i'm a emotional peron. I know what i shouldn't do, but i let my emotions controlled me....

"Verbal injuries take a lifetime or longer to be forgiven."

prone to what pple says- have been telling myself to believe in things that i have seen personally only. but at times, i do get taken in by what others say. somehow affected. i'm just so dumb to fall for those stuff.

"$%#DFGF*&*&^*&^*^*&"

procrastinations- i know what i ought to do, but i did not. Been complaining abt everything. yet no actions to amend them.

"complains and complains...."

smiles/laughers-i really forgot how to laugh/smile. it's something which it seems so easy to do when it's not. It's about truly laughing from you heart. not just those jokes and silly stuff which u encounter daily.

It's about truly laughing from you heart

confidence & determination- i'm seriously hampered by these two issues for years. Ever since after that incident occured.Where's the confidence to show the world's what i've done is right?Where's the determination to get things done when everyone believe you can't? it's all gone.....

"and these 2 issues become something called pride...."

I don't want to be looked down anymore. But neither do i want to look down on others. I just wanna show them who i really am. I'm not a kid anymore, i dont want to be treated like a small child. I want to know how to laugh and smile . I need to filter off those words which i shouldn't listen to.

Where am i? Who am i? i'm lost.

Can you answer my problems?

yAwnZ~

2005-09-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

just woke up and i started blogging right away....^^

so...yesterday was my bro's rom, the normal procedure, the right atmosphere and the right people was there.
Everything was perfectly fine, and i guess all were very happy for them ya?...haha...and after the whole procedure(from welcoming the couple, to saying the vow, signing the cert,putting on the ring, cutting the cake), we had buffet at StarDus ClubHouse. The place was small, but cozy. Lots of fun there, playing ice breaker games like "Bom-Pi-Pi" which was introduced by Ben(my bro's brotherly friend) which we got to know other people, especially the gals. Of course we didn't play the game just to know gals, but to add up to the atmosphere. What's with the game? it's the forfeit that made it fun. From brownies, red bean soup to chivas(43% alcohol), all had fun eating and cheering.... but i didn't get to eat any cause i didn't get any forfeit.hehez....

after the whole thing, we left for marina bay for bowling. Had around 5 games, and it was fun!...long time since i bowled , and "practice makes perfect" comes to my skills. Cause my skills really cannot make it. All the games were below 100.... *sighz*. But it's ok, all for the sake of having fun right?

let me wake up from my drowsiness then i decide what else to write....^^

cheer,

phew~ finally, it's over!

2005-09-10T01:28:00.000+08:00

weee.....finally most of the important tests,projs, presentation are coming to an end... left 1 presentation/test/presentation.....been sleeping for like 10 hrs only for the past 3 days....really shagged....
and the best thing is?i just came back from keljin's house to do proj. And before that a stupid IT test that is so tricky and difficult?everyone's been shaking their head after they leave the room.... Out of 5 choices, 4 different answers and 1 "none of the above" answer....dottyz...

anyway...i just dyed my hair!....ash green/grey , just the color i wanted since O's....but didn't dye becuase it requires bleaching...But, i decided to go for u cause my bro's ROM is coming(which is today's evening)
hehez....how could i not get myself in the best shape to witness my bro's happiest's moments?or perhaps a horror?lol...watever the case is, i know they are going to be very happy.....

OmG....i had this very electrifying eye contact with this gal, and it's really very strong(the voltage). I just quickly looked away cause i couldn't take it anymore, or least my heart might pop out anytime.... :P
Or maybe, she finds me strange as i was wearing formal and she has never seen before....... ^^
whatever the case is, let nature takes it's course....

and Jasmine green tea rocks!(for those who knows what this means, if u don't know, it's alright)

***for those having prelims and soon to be A's, please concentrate okies?less distraction plz.....***
***those in poly, plz study hard! exams are round the corner in less than 1.5 weeks***

extra post today!

2005-09-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

so here's a little more understanding of me today.....

i've been a person who always feel that in any form of relationship, giving and taking are parts and parcels of it. But, it's wrong. It's abt giving instead. To really taste life, try not asking for more. Try giving more and not asking anything in return. So, i'm trying to give more and take less from pple....

i hate pple who spread false information and bad mouth abt others. Well, i'm sure i'm not the only one. Everywhere we go, bound to meet such pple. The only way not to fall into their trap is to isolate ur precious ears from such pple. Imagine, if he can do these stuff to his friends, so can it be you.

Another type of people i hate belongs to those that pushes you to the bottom and make it seems that they are far more superior than u. Whether in terms of work, games, sports....this grp of pple is totally disgusting to the core.

......last thing is....i've strong faith in relationships. Friendships, family, her....etc...
true friends are for a lifetime, family is eternal......which i believe....
friends that are worth regarded as one, friends that are not ur friends just beacause u are popular/rich/gd looking/smart(ass).....but one who understands u and be for u in times of troubles and needs...

so u peeps wanna know who's ur real friend? u will know who's ur true friend when u have nothing at all....and at the very moment when u have fallen so deep in which everyone else wants to see dead....

add on to previous post!

2005-09-06T00:03:00.000+08:00

wanna share this incident that happened 2 days ago when there was project meeting at my place....all thanks to my dear kel kel(keljin)....
she told my mum i liked this gal ......and now it's spread all over my family?...
and i mean really spread?.......horrible encounter in my life....
who knows abt it?....my parents, sis & boyfriend, bro and sister -in -law(whom even asked me to bring her for their ROM and soon to come wedding), my grandparents who even asked me to bring her home for dinner!!!...

omg....this is insane....never been pestered by sooo many pple to bring gf home........

besides this pc of "gd news" to the youngest son of the Lee family, there's another pc of gd news lah. I mentioned above liao, but wanna say again!....my elder bro getting married!!....wee~~~....
i can have the room all by myself and best thing, mahjong session in my room!!! haha.....kidding lah...really happy like a bird and excited like a monkey who found a banana...lol.....ONE REASON!....cause i only have a biological bro, and only one this lifetime. No matter what misunderstandings we have, we always forgive and forget. That's what real brothers do! ..... anyway, friends are extra siblings God gave to us, so if u can practise
"forgive and forget", they are ur siblings too!!

heYz!

2005-09-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

hehez....long time since i blog....
no theories today....but what i done today...

firstly, there was SUPPOSELY a retest for accounting. But my classmates all so brillant go take MC....so lecturer also very smart, go change the date so all of us confirm will get to take the test....haha, i can't believe it, i actually studied for the test?i think, i could count those tests which i really studied for?....it took me just 3 hrs to finish all the topics....when practically i have been skipping accounting lesson and not doing tutorials...
perhaps i really put in effort this time...^^...nevermind...since there's 3 more days, i make sure i revise more and aim for 100%.... hehez, don't think can do it, but i will try.

do proj whole day....sianz!....and stupid desmond, everything also he snatched and do....got problem then ask me and keljin to solve....kaoz....stupid DESMOND!!...haha......is he going to read this?....lol...just kidding desmond.... :P

and after the sch ended....it was project time again?! was sort of very sick and tired of projs, so wanna leave asap. But they wanted to finish the whole presentation today, so i suggested to split up the work so things can get done much faster....and we did.!!!

hehe...so it was relaxing time, SP 3 Vs 3 bball.....!!! woohoo...nice time watching the yr 3's showing off their godly skills and the yr 1's are ....gd!....aiyo, then i was like so depressed , because i lost all my skills after my operation 7 mths ago....

to be a better shooting guard(SG) and perhaps, the best SG in SP.....tooo bad ..... it can never be realised....
my best form was 9/10 for 3 pt and i maintained for 2 mths?...damn difficult lah, i was like going to CC to train almost 3 times a week?...each time shoot like 500 balls....then gradually, 8...then 7..... and stay ard 5/10 before i went for my operation...

if only i didn't have to go for the operation,......if......

A Simple Lesson- "It's just a game!"

2005-08-29T22:54:00.000+08:00

i had a very bad day today....migraine since i woke up, just like waking up after getting drunk...and i have a report to rush tonight.....Well, it's alright. i won't die yet.

Wanted to write on this topic yesterday , but wasn't feeling too well.

here it goes.....

" we often hear people around us saying "it's just a game", but do all of us actually understand what it means?
For example, a basketball game and ur team loses, and one of ur team mates tells u that when he sees u been very disappointed. There's only 2 possible results from that game, win or lose. From a ordinary person point of view, of course winning the game is his aim. But, winning the game means the implication of showing the other team he's better, and not the sake of enjoying the game. To me(which i just realised), basketball is a form of enjoyment and bonding activity. I no longer see the point in "winning" everyone else, well, better skills.
Not just basketball, and others like studies,handphones...etc. I believe in enjoying what you are doing, and getting satisfaction in return.

...even if you win the game, you only win the game. Not the person...

Things are very simple, but it can get very complicated and messy at times. When lending ur friend(s) your notes to copy which is to help them, in turn inside you feel that u shouldn't lend them bcause u want to score better than them. So what's life when things are no longer what they worth and means something else?

...we wished to be simple, but it always get complicated...

*Just think simple*

...the end"

hmm, thanks for those comments which u gave me for the previous posts. Although i don't know who u are, thanks for u compliments again!

History

2005-08-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

Perhaps i should tell my friends out there more about me?....yeah....something more interesting than the previous posts right..... ^^

Start with secondary sch life....
i was very passionate in bball, keeping pets, camps, and friends.

Pets- Kept cats,dogs,iguanas,hamsters,parrots,chicks,rodents,insects(lots of them),snake?,tortoise(many types).......and so many more....but the one i was mostly involved is fish.....Unintentionally i got involved into Luohan business, and managed to get quite abit from there. So.......this was the starting point of my fishy business....ever since, been involved in buying and selling of them....

Bball-Practically almost everyday, it's basketball. I really got involved in bball, because of her. OMG.....i should stop thinking of her.....trying hard to forget her....
back to the topic.....I discovered my so call "talent" when i was in Sec 3 . My classmate at that time, which is now my brotherhood gang, TangHoe aka Joshua, was pissed by my "every shot miss" skill. Haha....so i got very agitated that day, and went intensive training. BUT.....there was no court for me to train...so i went for the netball rims. They are so much smaller, so much different from basketball rims. Somehow, i learned the tecnhique in shooting on my own.
haha....so from that day, i aimed to be the best shooting guard in school....but it didn't come true lah..... cause there was so many others that were so good in shooting....
Although i have just recovered from my operation and the doctor forbids me to play, but i will still play. :P

Camps-Nth is better than camping.Be it in sch, outside, Headquarters.....it's always so fun. There's always something to learn from camps. Camps songs, cheers, games, new friends, and more important, discipline. Discipline , most important thing anyone should have learnt from joining any uniform group. Bonding between friends also improved , and we got to know each other better. How?Through push-ups, "tekkans", silly mistakes we commited together....

Friends-Throughout my life, even till now, they are so important to me.Although we have been separated for so long, our feelings never change ya?......there's no problem in getting into a long conversation even though we haven't seen each other for a long time.....guess these are true friends. True friends are there for u, when u need them for help, when u need a listening ear, when u wanna chill......etc...
So unlike many people i met after secondary sch , backstabs, spread rumours...etc....act as ur friend when they need help, when they are free, u are just like transparent?.... :X
It's really a complicated world out there, probably i came from a boy's sch, whereby the people has minimum motives? not to be ur friend cause u are popular, rich, smart, good looking....but just to be ur friend........

so the name list goes.......
bendy, yuqiang, yidian,garrel,alvin koh,alvin Goh, enoch, tanghoe, daniel, yongxiang, chris hon,ghim gui,zhicong.............and the NCC fellows......

**Some people living in this world, will never know the feeling of having a true friend. What they know is just money, and climbing higher in the ladder of Society.**

Point-Less to Carry On

2005-08-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

It's no point to go saying what happened, so.....i just leave what's been said....

really lots of things going thru my head these past few weeks......
her.family.bball.friends.career.business.driving.studies.health.
Sometimes, i just wanna leave this place for a couple of moment. To find peace.

Chapter 2: Arising

2005-08-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

hmm...continues....

"so a couple of months passed......and somehow we decided to go out together?outing with her, her friend, me and our common friend which i know from the bball court....
so four of us went PS, lunch then movie.....the show was one of Disney's Productions.Don't know why on earth, she tried to put me and her friend together.The gal was taller than me, think she's 1.7 ++....while that time i'm only 1.6+?....omg....it's like David and the Goliath?.....After the show, we went to Yamaha music sch .
Rememeber?i was Sec 2 that year?so that period of time i was occupied with fishes, and especialy Luohan's, which i happened to mass breed them.So that day, i was supposingly to meet a "customer" on the sales of the baby Luohans. I forgot what excuse i gave, but i knew i left a very bad impression. I think it just sucks, cause i shouldn't have plan to go down to meet the stupid fellow, and instead, spend the day with her. Crap! ......impression is very important for me, and i ruined it!

***(1)Guys out there, please dress decently.I dressed badly for that day.
(2) Always make sure u have the whole world's time to spend with her, not like me , leaving 1/2 way!
(3) Try to send the gal home after going out. Basic courtesy from a guy right?
(4)Don't walk infront of her. Walk side by side.

1st Chapter- The Beginning

2005-08-20T00:51:00.000+08:00

why i started to get a blog again, it's probably of her.My mood was in the worst state it could ever get for the past ? 1 week?Maybe it has been longer than that.
For some reason, i have been thinking of her these few nights. Perhaps it's due to my friend sharing his story abt the gal he liked which let her get into my mind again.

it's getting late, so i just start the first chapter of the story...abt a stupid guy who waited for a gal for almost 4 yrs....so it goes:

"it all started at the end of the year 2002, the last day of Secondary 2 when we all collected our report books. That year i did pretty well if i remember correctly, so happily i went with my friends to bball at Potong Pasir CC(PPCC). Well, that's what the boys always do at that age.
She was playing at the other side of the court, and she caught my attention. WHY?i've this very special type of feeling when i saw her, and it never came to me before from any other person. I didn't know where that courage came from, for me to go over to join her.

after playing for some time,"Geezh.....she's gd in bball huh.....then how can i get her attention?".......at that time, my bball skills were like any normal guy around...can't shoot, dribble....i told myself i could never get her attention....
i wasn't sure if this was a prank played by God, the shot she tried ended somehow on my head.
Ahhh---haa......finally, i got her attention. She smiled at me. if the ball was shot by any other person, she/her would probably get from me. Haha...just kidding....it hurt, but i hoped it could repeat again. And it did. She shot again, and landed on my head..harder this time... then i commented on how well she could shoot to get the ball so accurately on my head twice , and i received another head shot from her....
haha.....this time it really hurt(i mean the ba-lu-ku)....but it was sweet down in my heart.........

ever since that very special day i met her, i gave excuses to walk past that place, just to see her again .....".....to be continued....

well....very dumb to meet someone like this isn't it?.....u believe in love at first sight? the answer is simply. i do.

And how could this feeling remain so long in me, even after such a long time has passed and so many other gals i met. haha....perhaps anyone out there explain to be why? why i can't accept any other gal......

*i think this entry is pretty vague, cause i wrote this in a state of mixed feelings....plz excuse me..

So many guys out there promised and sweared by the name of God, that they would love the gal right besides them forever and she would be their one and only.....but why are these promises broken again and again.....
if love's going to hurt the one u love most, i rather choose not to love.......

first entry

2005-08-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

geezh....not sure what spiked me to blog again...
but i'm sure it would be better than my previous...